{ Grace Notes }

"Children can feel, but they cannot analyse their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought, they know not how to express the result of the process in words."  Jane - Jane Eyre

{{&this is why I do what I do, with the ABA therapy & in learning to be a child & adolescent counsellor. To help children who need to have a voice have a voice. To let them know it's okay that they feel &often feel with a strength that scares them.}}



I have started the Victorian Literature Challenge by re-reading Jane Eyre.  I first read Jane Eyre at about ten, and whilst I didn't really understand the adult Jane, I responded to the child that Jane is, her isolation and feeling of difference and misunderstanding of the adults and people around her as to her true nature. Also her inability to express herself in the way she wants to, having the thoughts but not the words nor anyone to say them to. Now, having just finished the first year of my child&adolescent psychotherapy training, and concentrating on my case study/written assignments what children think and feel, and the struggles they have in expressing it are very much at the forefront of my mind. To read this in Jane Eyre  was as if I was reading it for the first time with truly adult understanding.  How hard it is for little ones to tell us what they feel! And how much they often need to.  How much they often just need an adult to hold them and take the time to listen to what they try to say, however they express it.



Dispatches



 - I have been quite busy this week. Doing some extra bank shifts at the supported living unit I used to work full time at.  I have discovered a day at school, with little break (my 1:1 child needs specialist support at lunchtime and every break)  driving straight to the unit and staying on my feet until 10pm is more than I can realistically physically manage.  Also certain aspects of working there are not so good. I was so frustrated I got into the car at the end of my shift and just cried. & crying is still quite unusual for me at the moment. I am thinking that I may need to leave completely. Part of me still doesn't want to leave, I would feel as if I was walking out on people and I do need the extra money but I'm no good to anyone frazzled and so tired I'm just functioning, not doing well at any of my jobs.



- It was my birthday last Sunday, and I had such a lovely time.
J came to stay on Saturday night we had pizza and time to sit and talk. Sunday morning he bought me waffles in bed with cream and strawberries in bed.
He painted me a canvas painting that will remind me of him & me always and is in such gorgeous rich colours. I am so thankful for him. We went to morning and evening church, I wore my corset and felt pretty all day, I got away without church singing happy birthday to me (just),  I cooked yummy risotto and we watched Erin Brockovich  on the projector whilst in bed and it was wonderful.  Also I did no studying. Nada.



- I am hopefully getting some shiny technology to help me hear in the classroom/meetings. (For those of you who don't know me in the real world, I am profoundly deaf.) I had an access to work assessment from the government and it looks hopeful I will get full funding for radio/personal loop aid system. I got to try out some different ones, and see how helpful each was. I do hope it comes quickly. I felt a lot better after talking to the assessor who was a teacher of the deaf. He seemed amazed I made it this far without much specialist help,and none in school. It was also good to have someone understand that I get so tired from listening in the classroom environment each day, and really struggle.



- I got my hearing aids fixed! I managed to get an appointment at super-speed and full moulds back, which has made everything sound louder and so much easier for me to hear. I can hear my child , J sounds like he should and church was much easier this morning. I am hoping it hasn't screwed up music for me and hearing in groups is easier. Class is loud, but it is going to take my brain a while to get used to so much sound again.
I can hear rain. I can hear birds. Birds are really rather loud and very prettyful.



Now, church again, then more Case Studying. I have so much more I want to say and I have been thinking about. Hopefully next week I will be organised enough to find time to write some of it.
I hope you are all having a relaxing and peaceful weekend.